July 7, 2010

goodbye (old post from Feb 23)

Yesterday was a sad, sad day for me.
i lost my baby squirrel,
i had him for 17 days.
him and his siblings fell from an old oak tree February
he was the only one to survive.
i cleaned him up and gave him much love.
i had raised Pepper successfully,
so i was thrilled to be able to raise another!
(and this time a fox squirrel!)
getting up to feed them every 2-3 hours makes you become very attached.
you become their mother. you are their hope.
Cinco stayed as strong as he could,
and i did everything that i knew to do.
i really did.
but he just wasn't able to pull through.
i watched him take his last couple of breaths.
i've never seen anything like that before..
it's that point when you began to audibly beg them to hang in there.
i was really looking forward to his eyes opening.
their little eyes only open one at a time, and very slowly.
i wanted him to see me first!
the face to the voice that he hears.

after he died, we had a funeral in the backyard for him.
it was a memory that will stay with me forever.
when i think back to it, here's what comes to mind:

calm..like after a storm.
all of us walking quietly in a row through the woods towards the graveside.
purple gown.
mom's newly dyed bright red hair and milky white skin against the dusky sky.
dark red rose petals.
other fresh valentine day flowers left over. white daises, etc.
a chocolate truffle box from me and Jessica's lovely New Years trip, a perfect fit for Cinco to rest.
Dad's hard work to get a decent area for him.
a handmade stick cross.
and little Gavin helping Papa out... doing as much as he knew how to..
we were all working together to make this as precious and sacred as possible.

during the ceremony, i felt that this is what life is all about.
no one else was close to that little guy..

but a good family, Love,
suffers when you suffer.

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