November 7, 2009


i haven't notebook journaled one lick since my last big heartache, in July-ish.
that's not like me to go this long.
i've felt exhausted emotionally many a times in my few years.
i go about my day, i get things done..
but every once in awhile i get a tiny peek into my feminine soul..
and there is so much hurt.
it almost knocks the wind out of me.

got back from California.
i love it when music just flows.
like you don't have to MAKE it happen, it just happens!
we all created 2 really awesome songs.
i want to make more!!
i'm beginning to write a song based out of the Song of Songs.
it's going to be worshippy & soft & light & meaningful.

i've felt very disconnected in life.
i don't know another word for it..
but it's like i haven't FELT in awhile..

i want to taste & see the glory of God.
i want to abide in Him & Him in ME.

i saw Pepper yesterday.
i was so excited driving on my way to see him.
it'd been over 2 weeks.
i hoped he'd remember me..
i dreamed about him a few times while gone.
but... he was SO squirrley.
running around fast and acting crazy and gnawing on me!
i gave him several acorns so he'd devoured them instead of my fingers.
he'd grown. his entire belly was white & furry, & his tail super fluffy.
he was so, so cute.
good thing i got that visit in, because
today, my Uncle told me he ran away into a tree.
i know Pepper's happy.
right where he belongs. :)
i'll never forget him!

we have a NUTT family reunion tomorrow.
been working on it all yesterday & today.
my parents & i cleaned out my great-grandparents house & dolled it up to have the reunion there tomorrow.
that place is filled with history.
people get their little nest all fixed up & create a life & then in the snap of a finger... they're gone.
it's really sad. but it's life.

i like what someone said about life:
"i just look at today & trust God with today.. if i look any further than that, i'm done."

i AM done if i look or think too far into the future.. when i start weighing it all out.

i am just taking every minute by minute and trusting God with my life and decisions right NOW.

it's so good to know there is a GOD and he's very aware of me & loves me.

we all need to ABIDE IN HIM.

Trust, trust, trust.

it's all going to work out for the good.


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