pea pod perceptions

and so.. i make a decision to bow before the Greater Good.

why does it feel so good to get on my knees?

to verbalize my need for something bigger than me?

is my perception my reality as some pose?

i don't know.

but

the calming comes.

and refreshed i stand.

i am a mouse. i need a King.

i don't like the pressure of feeling like it is all up to me to make right decisions.

the pressure of feeling that it is all up to me and my decisions in life is overwhelming.

we let ourself down. people let us down. pets let us down. things die, times change.

but does God let us down?

is it true?

"your perception is your reality"

i sat next to an elderly couple on my flight a couple weeks ago to Phoenix.

we were like 3 peas in a pod in our seating arrangement.

the flight was 4 hours long, and we talked for over 3 hours of it.

the lady, Barbie, used to be an opera singer, but at age 21 she woke up deaf.

no symptoms, no warning signs.

she just woke up and the world was silent.

this was already intriguing, but since i'd been reading Helen Keller's biography, i was captivated that much more.

for over 40 years she couldn't hear a single sound.

then she regained her hearing in one ear by having a chip inserted into the back of her head that read her brain waves and by wearing a tiny mic at her ear to pick up the sound.

she said "I hear with my brain.... but so do you."

i ended up sharing my life story with this lady...(why do i keep doing this to people?!)

her companion Paul, a jovial fellow with lots of borderline hilarious jokes, added a nice balance to the melodrama.

later me and Paul discussed homemade instruments & he explained a few concepts of Physics.

they were lovely people.

Humanitarians.

and when we parted ways in the airport he shook his arm up at me and declared "May the force be with you!"

and i replied, "May it be with you too my friend!!"

then i spoke some Christian jargon to myself towards them. :)

the Force. i liked that..

i said a little amen and then headed for the next terminal.

wondering wanderer

i have a blurry understanding of some things,

and no understanding of all the rest.

but one thing i do know is that something eternal is in me..

and it is constantly crying out for more.

some art makes me feel like a wanderer.

like a river exploring the rocks, tasting of the earth, but never finding its home in the ocean.

we all want less wandering and more wonderment.

we want to be childlike but we think with our head.

does Faith make sense?

No.

does it work?

Yes.

creative time signatures laced with haunting melisma can only move

one so far...

i hear an old hymn sung by siblings on demand in a dirty kitchen.

and try as i may to quell it, the eternal in me breaks.

the floodgates lift,

my face turns wet

with

golden eyeshadow tears.

i felt the More.

and it had been a long, long time.

sleepy eyed hunter boy

me, my brother Jonathan, my sister in law Lacey, her brother Jon-Jon and baby Link all spent the night in Little Rock last night so we could be there early for my brother's wrist surgery.

about a week and a half ago, i was on the road in Los Angeles when my mom called with the news:

Jonathan had been deer hunting in the woods & fell asleep in his deer stand!

he had gotten down from his stand earlier to check on a wounded deer (or something like that...poor little deer) & so when he got back in his stand, he didn't put his safety belt back on.

he fell 20 ft to the ground and woke up when he landed on his face.

the doctor said if he had been awake when he fell, he would have stiffened up and probably died or been paralyzed. but instead he only broke his wrists, got bruised up pretty badly, and bit all the way through his tongue in one spot.

we are all astonished by the outcome of this. so grateful that i still have my widdle brother.

i love him so much.

crazy side note: Jon's wife & kids were also in California at the same time i was on vacation in San Francisco! we were all in CA... what are the odds?!

it's happening..

turnip rosette

eat raw root vegetables!
turnips = crunchy, spicy, woodsy
so good! i hadn't had one like this in awhile. i peeled all around the white and then noticed how pretty the bottom was. like a flower! so i left a little bit of purple skin around it for accent.

my mom texted me something tonight that made me get all misty-eyed!

her and my 4 year old nephew Gavin were riding back from El Dorado and she said "Well Gavin your ole daddy got married today to a good woman. I hope your momma gets a good man too."

Gavin replied "When i grow up.. i'm gonna marry Annie."

awww!!!

here's a pic from March 2009 when we were in Colorado. :)

de novo

i am seasick, full of Hope.

i am covered in pretty violet bruises.

Hallelujah.

i am aware.

i am calmed by the greening of the sky.

i have been electrocuted.

shaken by Strength.

thank You for the thunder that beats at my bones.

for the rain that washes clean.